The Shocking Truth About 'Sleep Divorce' – Could It Save Your Relationship?

What is a Sleep Divorce?

A “sleep divorce” refers to couples deciding to sleep in separate beds or even different rooms to ensure better rest. According to a study by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM), more than one-third of Americans occasionally or consistently sleep apart from their partners. This trend is especially prevalent among millennials, with 43% reporting separate sleeping arrangements .

The reasons behind a sleep divorce vary. Some couples face challenges like mismatched sleep schedules, differing room temperature preferences, or disruptions caused by snoring and restless movements. As Dr. Alicia Roth from the Cleveland Clinic explains, “When we talk about couples sleeping separately in sleep medicine, it’s usually because there will be mutual benefits to their sleep, mood, and functioning if they sleep separately” .

Why Consider a Sleep Divorce?

Quality sleep is crucial for both physical and mental health. Poor sleep can lead to irritability, decreased empathetic accuracy, and increased likelihood of conflicts in relationships . Dr. Seema Khosla, a pulmonologist and spokesperson for the AASM, emphasizes, “Getting a good night’s sleep is important for both health and happiness, so it’s no surprise that some couples choose to sleep apart for their overall well-being” .

If one partner’s sleep is disturbed by the other’s snoring, tossing, or even dream enactment, it can lead to resentment and reduced quality of life for both. Experts suggest viewing separate sleeping arrangements as a “sleep alliance” rather than a “sleep divorce.” Some advise couples to use collaborative language and create rituals to maintain intimacy, such as morning cuddles or evening chats .

When to Consider a Sleep Divorce

It’s important to recognize the signs that a sleep divorce might be beneficial. Dr. Fradkov notes that struggling to get enough sleep, experiencing poor sleep quality, and feeling resentment towards a partner due to disrupted sleep are key indicators . If these issues persist, it may be time to consider separate sleeping arrangements for the sake of both partners’ well-being.

However, it’s crucial to approach the topic with sensitivity and open communication. Discuss each other’s sleep needs, preferences, and any concerns openly. If snoring or sleep apnea is an issue, consider consulting a healthcare professional for guidance and potential treatments.

Maintaining Intimacy While Sleeping Separately

One common concern couples face is the fear of losing intimacy if they don’t share a bed. However, this doesn’t have to be the case. Establishing new routines and rituals can help maintain a strong connection. Whether it’s enjoying a morning coffee together or having a nightly chat, these moments can reinforce the bond between partners.